Post high school :) 9-29-12

Well here I am. Graduated and officially settled down in college. Well as settled as I can get. Things are a lot different that I could have ever imagined. Dona prepared us as well as she could, yet I sit here almost dissapointed in the way things have turned out. I've faced challenges before, sure. But none of them have seen as daunting as the task set before me now: Learn everything you will need in your furture in four years. And don't screw up. I am the queen of royally messing things up for me. I think I deserve an award. It's sometimes humorous how badly things can go for me. Yet I keep moving forward. Do I have any other choice? It seems here at college that these kids all want to be something they're not. They want to be popular, they want to have fun, and they want to live. But is getting drunk, having sex, and smoking pot really living? See I was taught that living was being able to do something that you ordinarily wouldn't be able to. Doing things that society said you can't do because you're of a certain color, race, or gender. I could spend my entire life being in the confounds of my own mind. Ceasing to exist to those people around me. And if I could, I would. Everyone that knows me understands that I hate people. Now I don't mean actually hate. I think life is an amazing gift. But sometimes I think it was given to the wrong people. I think people are annoying and hateful and gross. But they can be beautiful and generous as well. Most of the time, they choose to live selfishly. And that's what I hate. We were given life on this earth to help other people. I think that's the meaning of life. But we spend time chasing after things without meaning. And we lose sight of who we are. I love the human race. But people need to understand the gifts they have before it's taken away. I used to think that people die when they discover the meaning of life. We spend our lives searching for a secret that was given to us: the ability to end suffering and help those in need. I think once people discover why they are alive, they die. So they don't spoil the secret for others. They find peace and can go on after life. People often ask me what I want to do when I grow up. I used to think I had different options for how I could go about becoming who I wanted to be. But now I don't have a clue. I wanted to be a teacher, but according to society they are undervalued and underappreciated. And they don't want to make enough money. I wanted to be an archaeologist, but they need a phD to work abroad, and God knows, I'm not smart enough to go to school for another 5-8 years. Nor do I have the money. So you know how I'm going to respond to the ongoing question of what I want to be? I want to be happy. I want to wake up every single day doing something I love, surrounded by people I love. I want to make a difference. But not from the comfort of my own home. I want to make a difference in the scary, heart-wrenching world that we live in. I want to be the reason someone has hope. I want to be the change I want to see in the world. Tons of rambling about life, I know. But these are the thoughts that go through my head when I have a Spanish exam tomorrow morning and I don't know my verb conjugations. Forgive me :)

Week of April 15- April 21

We had 3 games this week. Monday, against Milford where we spent almost 5 hours there. Wednesday against Loch Raven where we were rained out but had to wait on the bus because of the baseball team and the fact that they still had to play. It eventually got called early after Shawheem’s bat flew out of his hand because of the rain. And on Friday, we played Dundalk. Well the boys did. They didn’t have any girl’s teams so I automatically wonJ. Which means I am like 2-3. Which is ok. If I win 50% of my games, I can go to counties. I spent a large portion of the week studying calculus because that is the only AP class where I feel I have a chance of scoring higher. I already know AP Human Geo, and maybe have a chance at doing well on the AP English Lit one, but the AP Chem one is going to kill me. And I got report cards, which is good. I had 4 As and 2 Bs. Which means my GPA right now is a 3.67 and my QPA is a 5.46. Which is extremely high. And lastly, I got a new phone J

Week of April 8- April 14

Happy Easter! I went to the 8:30 Easter service with Betty, Nick, my mom, and my dad. It was a nice service and a good sermon and I learned a lot. After that, we went to Towson Diner (because the church is right around the corner-Towson Presbyterian) and had breakfast. It was nice to be all together because we never really see each other (well we don’t see Betty and Nick that often) because they live in College Park. It was nice to be able to sit down and have a meal together before they went to Pennsylvania to see my grandparents and we went home to do work. (I have to catch up on 3 weeks of blogs and my parents have to finish their tax prep) Fun. -_- We also had 2 games this week (Wednesday v Coppin Academy –who never showed up; and Friday v Carver) I also took a mock exam on calculus on Saturday where I scored a 2 -_- Not ok! So I need to study…

Errands (Day 216)

I got to spend most of the day running errands with my mom. I woke up this morning at 7:30 because she wanted me to take the dogs on a walk. She said if I did, I could get all of my stuff back and a new racquet (because my strings broke). And that was really exciting because I haven’t had everything back for almost a month. And I really want a new racquet because mine broke and the one I had since I was 12 is all dented and the strings are so loose. I can’t use that or they will kick me out. I want a more professional one that Mr. Hammer said they sell for like $50 at Holabird Sports off of Pulaski Highway. My old 2 are Wilson, but I am looking for maybe Babalot or Head and ones that I can get strung.

More days... (Day 215)

I am officially obsessed (well kind of) with the real housewives of Atlanta. I really like the women and they are crazy. So we went shopping at Giant and bought a lot. I mean I can’t complain because part of it is my stuff, but hey. Sometimes I feel like we spend more time in stores than at home. My mom is a volunteer shopper for BCDSS so we have to buy a crib for this one family, and diapers, wipes, and a car seat for another. I like these trips because I can see all of the adorable baby stuff that I don’t ever remember having and won’t buy for MANY years. My mom always buys the cutest things that always end up being the cheapest. I like helping families, even though I don’t really do much other than go with her and help deliver the things.

Chore day (Day 214)

The house is vacuumed, the dogs went on a walk, the backyard is picked up, the trash is emptied and I am almost done these blogs. Ugh -_-. So much work to do. But it feels nice that it is mostly done. Oh and I picked up my room. I mean it still looks like a tornado hit it, but a minor scale one, instead of a category 5 one. And my laundry is done and my sheets are clean. I also got to watch Spongebob and ANTM. Unfortunately, noting good comes on TV at night except on Tuesdays (NCIS: LA & Criminal Minds marathon) and Wednesdays (Criminal Minds) and sometimes Fridays when there is CSI. Sometimes, on Saturdays, there is like NCIS and criminal minds back-to-back.

Bored... (Day 213)

My parents have gone to work leaving me and the dogs at home to fend for ourselves. It’s ok though. I have the TV and food. (That makes me sound fat) but it’s all good because I had tennis practice today and I got to walk. Nick’s dad offered to take us to Rita’s and drive me home and it was really nice because it was kind of hot and I was tired. I thanked him and went inside where I had to take care of the dogs and finish Frankenstein. It was a really sad book. I read it and it was extremely depressing. That surprised me. I never knew it was sad. Everyone died in the end except Walston and the monster and it can be foreshadowed that the monster died as well. Geez…